COULD HAPPINESS BE A DESTINATION?

One of my friends shared life story of her grandmother. It is so much heartfelt that it kindled the spirit in me to continue write articles on my blog. I dedicate this post to the loveliest granny who unleashed conventional definition of life and that friend who shared this stuff with me. I am writing down this article putting myself in her grandma's shoes and I'm certain that I wouldn't be able to do justice to her experience in words.

In my sixties when I look back, there I see my husband as loving as he was while we were married. Today, all the youngsters only care about which extravagant honeymoon they would go to soon after their marriage to flaunt with their pictures on social media and just not care about sharing the same intimacy, love and trust at least after a couple of years of marriage. I wonder. I am here not just to share my love story that you would envy at but also to tell you something that changed my life forever.

Typically in an unfinished globalized society, be it on account of a nation or a household, the older you get the lesser will be your prominence. The world has never been this unstable to deal with age but what happened with me is quite contrary. In my fifties, I gifted a heart throbbing puppy to my grandchild. In my fifties, I shared my experience with all the family members making sure I let them have their own considerations. In fifties, my children loved coming to my house and enjoyed the food I cooked as much as they were kids. In my late fifties, everybody called me beautiful and asked me how I always had been happy and made everyone happy around. In my fifties I was still on my honeymoons every year. Caution: Honeymoon doesn't refer to the definition given by a dictionary. I always had my own definitions. It is to hold that person's hand for forty years with the same intimacy and to explore; keep exploring. I was blessed to be beautiful. I was blessed to be happy and being able to make everyone happy. I was blessed to have a husband who I had traveled to nook and cranny of my country, India. I was blessed to make everyone wonder about the love between my husband and me. I was blessed to age gracefully. Wouldn't you call it a little cute life that one could be content with? What else do you need?

...

One day. 

That one day changed my life forever.

It was the day when I tested positive for cancer. The aura in my family changed and Surender(my husband) was taken aback. But I had hope. It was cancer and of course it could be fought back. I knew many people who killed cancer with their conviction. Initially, my room was flushed with medicines and yeah, I was ready for the war. Days passed, nothing got better and the doctor suggested a chemotherapy. My family was scared but I said an absolute yes to it while pressing Surender's hand so as to assure him I would do great very soon. It was then Surender and my family took me for every session, flushing more and more tablets into my  body. My body initially gave up, yet I gave it all the strength to cope up with it because I wanted to live. The life everybody would dream of, everybody would want to make. We waited for the results after the first chemotherapy. As I love dressing up, I did dress up the best as I did before. I looked at myself in the mirror and I fell in love with myself even more. The results said there was no impact of chemotherapy on my cancer. After all it was WBC cancer and would need another round chemotherapy. This time I held all my strength tenaciously and made it ready for another round of hell which in medical terminology called chemotherapy. After multiple sessions, the doctor and Surender waited for better results fingers-crossed while I enjoyed being myself, being with Surender and being with my family. Meanwhile, while I was looking at myself in the mirror I observed my granddaughter gazing. By then I was losing most of my hair and I knew her heart was breaking to watch me lose my hair which I always considered as the greatest possession of mine. I reassured her that I would get cured, that hair would grow back by itself and that I would be the most beautiful woman in the family. I had faith. Faith in myself. Faith in God. Faith in my body though it was getting frail. 

Yet, nothing changed. Though doctor and my family were against me going another chemotherapy, I was persistent. All the energy of my body was drained yet I got myself ready for it drawing energy from wherever I could. I was in pain yet happy. I dreamed of my granddaughter doing engineering and it was her first day. She loved me as much she did before and came to narrate me her first day experience at college. We had a joyful conversation. The very next morning, I asked Surender to feed chai and biscuit. It had been decades that he fed me and today he obliged. I enjoyed being fed. I enjoyed being held and he holding my face and looking at me in wet eyes. I still smiled. While everyone was away, I took my last breath to win. 

I know you weren't expecting this. Neither did I. While my friend was narrating to me, her voice trembled. She missed her so much and told me how much she was ready to do anything to have her in life again, to see her again.

Living in the time where the world doesn't really know how to deal with aging, she proved she would be needed more by the whole family as she aged. She didn't gain love of everyone just like that. It was with her years of little efforts of spreading love and happiness among all that got them so bound to her. Our hero made everybody's life beautiful and made her presence felt and not just seen. Our hero became the center of strength while everyone else broke down. She taught them how to be strong. She taught them to be beautiful their own way. Our hero defined beauty in her own terms. Our hero filled up the family with positivity while making everybody else laugh while she herself was in torment. Our hero never surrendered to pain or agony or fear but was happy instead. It is not when you succumb to cancer that you fail. It is when you stop living in such atrocious conditions. Our hero never gave up even until her last breath. She breathed hope and is now the person who is still felt and who would make them happy. Our hero lived the life to the fullest at good times and even when death was inevitable. I would say she won over cancer because she didn't surrender her happiness and aura in the house to it.

I would not call her death a death because that is where she defined life for everybody else around her. 

When my friend speaks of her, her chest swells in pride. Her heart fills up with strength. Her whole family misses her presence and still a thought of her makes them vibrant. Her husband was at the greatest loss but every now and then it is the love they still share lightens him up and make him smile. Isn't this all life about?

Will anyone call me a failure while I left behind so much that people around me would carry to their graves?  

I'll see you soon. Again.

Regards

Sukanya (Love of Surender)